Hospital bag checklist… the things I wish I had packed

Hi laura here!

So in the weeks leading up to the birth, I must admit I was extremely excited to pack my hospital bag. It was the start of being prepared as a parent. Packing all of the little baby grows, nappies, clothes that a little person can want or need. Yet on the other hand I found myself unpacking and repacking continually. If it wasn’t to check what I’d put in there five minutes ago.. bloody baby brain!!! It was to add extra items others had suggested.

You see the problem with going into hospital for a baby is that it’s unlike any other adventure you will undertake . How can you possibly know it’s size for clothes? How long you will be there? Etc. So after much research and seemingly getting no where I put it to social media who offered the following suggestions:

for baby: vests, baby grows, towel, teddy, nappies, Muslin squares, car seat ( most hospitals won’t let you travel home in the car unless this is with you!) and a first outfit for leaving the hospital.

Something I wish I had taken was a carrier bag to put in wet or dirty clothes. Because let’s face it babies wee.. and poo! A lot! The last place you wanna put a crappy nappy is back into your bag!

Things for Mum 🙂

The following items were suggested based on the practical elements!

baggy t shirt for labour or night dress- the last thing you wanna be doing is walking around with a giant towel/ bedsheet around your bottom half because you’ve had to take off your pj bottoms.

Socks- your feet will be freezing

Lip balm- it’s a lot of effort pushing it a baby and as much as you thing you will be able to drink sometimes it’s not practical. Also maternity wards.. are ridiculously warm!

Change for the car park, phone charger, hair bobbles, ear plugs, slippers, toiletries, toothbrush, snacks, camera and obviously your partner or birthing partner!

Despite taking all of this to the hospital I still felt that I wasn’t prepared. So I have complied an additional list for things I may have found useful. For example.. I forgot my anusol (piles get worse after labour) and boy did I know about it! Yet my cream was at home!

Nipple cream. Because nipples will get sore. When your trying to latch on baby it’s uncomfortable and after be first few attempts they can become dry!

Energy drinks and snacks for after the baby arrives. Although the ward was lovely, they stopped serving food after 5pm. I had snacks in my bag but to be honest in the hours that followed I could have eaten a scabby horse. I had never felt so Hungary and obviously this was my body’s way of recovering after the baby had arrived! I just wish I had taken more snacks with me!

Hair dryer- for the love of hair take your hair dryer! Just trust me! Because there is nothing worse than discovering the ward your on doesn’t have one!

Take in spare clothes and knickers! I know this seems very obvious, however we were not expecting to stay in hospital at all! So when little one needed to be in for several days I had begun to run out of the essentials like big pants! Lord! Asking the husband to locate several more pairs of big pants was not easy!

Following the birth you will want to shower or bathe. Trust me when I say that scent/ perfume free wash stuff is a must! The last thing you want to do is burn or sting your already ying yang! And take it from someone that knows! It’s already burning down there for add fuel to the flames!

I hope this has been useful!

Laura x

Bowling ball through a funnel springs to mind…

Hey laura here!

So after a seemingly long wait, a quick labour, long contractions and a dramatic entrance our little one arrived!

All 7lb7 ounces of squishy-ness! With the most dark blue, beautiful eyes i have ever seen! His cry was the most amazing thing I’ve ever heard and I knew right at the moment I saw him that I was in love. This little boy was going to take over my life forever!

We were only able to say a quick hello to our son as he was taken quickly to the neonatal unit. The room that was only moments ago filled with lots of people was now weirdly empty. The midwife was coming back to help me shower (after her much needed and deserved break) yet I was determined to shower myself and see my son.

Now I will be honest.. this was not as easy as it sounds.

A word of warning.. after seemingly pushing out a bowling ball sized object through a small funnel.. your bits are .. i would say painful but that’s obvious. I can only describe them as stretched beyond belief with the feeling that everything will fall out! Guys reading this.. to get an idea of how uncomfortable this is..

Open your mouth wide and pull on edges of your mouth using your fingers! Yeah keep going until it burns…

When I walked into the unit having contractions.. I walked down the corridor holding my thighs together convinced it would hold in the baby. (Who was no where near the exit). Now walking to the shower room I was holding my thighs together for dear life convinced my bits were falling out!

I’d say it was almost like a period but I would be lying… blood everywhere… pouring infact. So believe me when I say take in sanitary equipment! Maternity pads! The bigger the better!

However Do not be fooled into buying the branded packets. They are expensive! With most major supermarkets selling their own version for £1 or less. Trust me these are amazing value. Because you will go through them like no tomorrow! Blood flow is very heavy and if you tear during the birth and require stitches you will need to change them regularly to reduce the risk of infection. So what’s the point of spending money on an overpriced item that will go into the bin very quickly!

After returning from the shower it suddenly became apparent of how alive I felt! I was bursting with excitement and as the adrenaline rushed through my blood I was almost bouncing back to my bed space to get hubby and go to the neonatal unit!

To me, I practically skipped back to my bed whilst doing the best impression of John Wayne that I could do. Yet I was incredibly lucky to be up and walking around! There was no tearing or stitches required after the birth.. mainly due to the preparation during the final weeks of pregnancy.. (which is coming up in another blog) but for many women this is not an option and every delivery is different. Much to the surprise of the midwife I was up dressed and ready to leave when she returned from her break.

However, I can tell you that I do regret being so determined to walk around and not take “it easy”. Because the following day was hard! I felt as though I had been run over by a train. Clearly from the amount of muscles it had taken to squeeze out the tiny human had an impact on my body.

But before long I was at my sons bedside and I was the most happiest I’ve ever been!

Laura xx

In the words of Adam Ant… stand and deliver!

Hey laura here!

So picking up were we left off…

I’m in labour. Actual labour! After the build up this was quite scary. At some point we were leaving the hospital with an actual tiny human being!

I can honestly say I’ve no idea what caused the labour. The 60 plus miles of walking didn’t seem to help, nor the raspberry tea .. which by the way just makes you need to pee more! And when your overdue and a pumpkin is already sat in your loins, you do not want to actually pee more frequently!

However I do think it was very coincidental that the night before I consumed a ton of fresh pineapple! If anything it was how relaxed hubby and I made it. We sat down to a lovely meal, chilled out and watched tv. Had snuggles on the sofa and it was like a really weird date. there was no worrying or stressing. The house was… by my nesting standards amazing 😉 (if I say so myself)! It was just calm and contrary to belief the baby came out when he was ready!

So after establishing that I was in labour.. I walked approximately 10 feet down the corridor. Although when contracting every couple of steps actually felt more like a mile. My bottom half wrapped only in a sheet ready but I quite frankly didn’t care. The baby was coming .. apparently!

Normally when your ill or in pain you make the most of any space to lie down. This does include hospital beds. I will be honest when I walked into that room.. that bed was not appealing to me whatsoever! Firstly being sat in traffic for almost 45 minutes and the examination had made up my mind for me…I was going to stand and walk around even if it killed me. And I almost certainly did not want to lie down!

Over the next four hours I paced the floor of that little room.. making a game of walking from one side of the room to the other. I inhaled a large amount of enternox (gas and air) then waddled to the other side of the now shoulder height bed!<<<<<<<<<
;Which by the way is good for 2 things..making you sound like Darth Vada (hilarious!) and the second is for making you feel epically drunk. A great feeling when you haven't had anything for months! Downside is I had a “drunk” conversation with the student midwife… I say conversation as in it was more one sided coming from me. Telling her not to work for in the UK but to take her career abroad! Thank you to the lovely student for listening and also you do what you want! <<<<<<<<<<
or the gravitational pull to do something to get this baby out of me! But sadly within this time nothing had actually happened. on second examination my waters hadn't broken and I wasn't any further dilated than when I arrived. However it was concluded that I did need to open my bowels. This in turn could be having an impact on the movement of things.

Now I will be honest. I know I needed to poo. I knew that from the moment I woke up. Could I go? No!!!! And the previous attempts to go to the toilet even for a wee during contractions was a horrid affair! It became so uncomfortable and painful at these moments that it just made me cry. To make matters worse I just needed to pee!! So I was also dreading the thought of needing that poo! So I was grateful when they offered the medication to help! My only advice on this matter is take it! Even if it does go up your arse! The relief that came from that moment of moving my bowels! It was like a pain relief all in itself!

Following this the next stage was to break my waters.. this was done by the lovely midwife (glad I chose nursing). Again not a pleasant experience! But please don't be scared of what can only be described as a crotchet needle going into your foo! One it's a lot smaller and two it has to be done. What I did find is that the tiny hook is best used during the contraction.. this is because the sac surrounding the baby blushes during this time and makes it easier for your waters to be broken. It is uncomfortable but no where near what I was expecting from my "waters breaking."

Please take note…don't feel like a fraud when you call triage and your waters haven't gone. Because I didn't even notice! There was no loud pop, no waterfall effect, no gushing, no sounds, I didn't feel like I'd wet myself. Absolutely sod all! Nothing like I was expecting at all!

Hoorah! Finally something seems to be happening.. I can't get comfortable! Not even standing is working. Sitting on the god damn ball is NOT working! Nothing! Gas and air is now not helping!

I NEED TO PUSH!!

The pressure sensation changed very quickly and this was not a pain.. this was an urge. I needed to push. But was this a trick of the mind again. I mean my waters only broke 30-45 minutes ago…

No not a trick! I'd gone from 4 cms to 10 in that short space of time and part of believed it was because I did a big poo! Nothing to do with the waters at all!

Before I know it I'm on that same sorry looking bed. I've raised the back rest up so it's now in an L shape and I'm leaning over the back of it.. screaming for an epidural… yeah missed that mark right there.. so gas and air it was. This was it. The baby was coming! Shit!

Do I have enough pairs of pants in my bag? (Clearly the gas and air is working well)

The next 40 minutes were a bit of a blur. I remember the gas and air being taken away. (Something to do with confusing the body… not that I understand why and I did put up a fight to let it go!…. my bad) I remember pushing as hard as I could and worrying about whether I was still pooing. Because the thought of any of my fellow colleagues seeing that was probably my biggest fear. I do remember the midwife saying don't push into your throat… at the time I was like what the hell are you taking about.

I totally got this the day after.. don't make any noise! Just push down and keep quiet… easier said than down but otherwise your throat will be unbelievably sore the next day! Something no one has ever mentioned!!!!!<<<<<<<<<<
ard to remember the full events…. because the amount of concentration it takes to do each push is like sitting 3 Exams at once in advanced maths.. or to that extent.. but you actually can't really take in what the hell is happening at this stage. Something no one ever bothered mentioning either!

The hardest part of the whole delivery was getting the babies head out. It felt like it went on forever! I mean have you tried to push out a tiny melon through your ying-yang? Clearly a hole that's designed for this specific purpose but you'd think with evolution that it might have adjusted or something by now… ?

To make matters worse once the head was out the little one turned back on himself and became lodged in my pelvis and the contractions stopped. (This is a rare event so don't panic)

Again this stage is a complete blur. I do know at this stage that about 20 people entered the room and assisted. My legs were now practically above my head and I was curled up into a ball like a hedgehog.. minus the spikes of course. I would be lying if I wasn't a little bit scared. But I knew as soon as the team came in I was in capable hands. Both of us were safe and I just let them do what they needed to do. Getting worked up was not going to help anyone. That and when your trapped in stirrups what else can you do? <<<<<<<<<<
iam arrived at 3pm.

Approximately 2 hours after the waters broke. His dad says he shot out like a little rocket ship. Propelled by his own poo. He was whisked to the other side of the room where the medical team intervened and assisted his breathing. I held him for only a couple of minutes before he went to the neonatal intensive care unit. Again I was calm… He was in safe hands. Also not much you can do when your patiently waiting for the after birth to follow.. which also got bloody stuck! I do remember thinking that none of this was in my bloody birthing plan!!!!!! There was no delayed cord clamping. He wasn’t put straight to my breast for feeding. We didn’t even know his gender when he came out. This was no episode of Call the Midwife. <<<<<<<<<<
traumatic entrance into the world, a bilateral pneumothorax, intravenous antibiotics for serval days my son is now at home. He is 17 days old and doing really well. I can't thank the staff enough at Derriford hospital. Their quick actions and response were amazing! They were compassionate, caring and made our journey wonderful!

An epic adventure into the start of motherhood eh?

Laura xx

And it began…

Hey laura here!

So at 41 weeks and 3 days. Our little boy decided it was finally time to come out!

I will be honest having many false starts, I actually was in denial when the contractions started yet again. At 3am I got up and walked around the living room, grabbed the hot water bottle and slept on the couch until 5am. There was a slight intensity of pain but to be honest nothing that I hadn’t experienced in the previous 5 weeks. Although! A major factor in deciding I was in labour was in fact the inability to use my stairs. I mean this is like any other house in Britain, it has about 12 stairs. Yet the 20 minute commute to the landing was no way I would call “fun.” However at this stage I was extremely determined to get to the top and have a warm bath. Given that paracetamol and a hot bottle were bloody useless too.

Yeah again this part was no picnic. Trying to lift my legs into the bath and back out again.. not cool! I only lasted 10 minutes in there before concluding that the hospital was the only way forward.

Lesson one. If one thinks they are in labour do not go up the bloody stairs. It took another 30 minutes to get to the bottom, in which time hubby had packed out belongings had a shower and was now stood at the bottom with my shoes (he is a gem).

The car journey to the hospital was bloody awful. It was uncomfortable! With contractions lasting for 2-3 minute and every minute apart. Yet part of me was in denial. I didn’t honestly think this was labour at all! I was actually petrified of getting to triage and they saying nope still only 3cms down.. go home.

To make matters worse we got stuck in traffic outside the hospital for what seemed like a life time. We could see the hospital. It was literally in arms reach but to be sat in the bloody car next to it.. was not great 😒. At the one I was extremely anxious and also was also very aware of the drivers and passengers in other cars. I’m not sure why but I was utterly convinced they knew what was happening. So looking out of the window wasn’t an option for distraction. I didn’t want to make eye contact with anyone, convinced that they would know that the grimacing face was a gateway to the bowling ball out of the vagina situation.

On arrival to the maternity doors, I gave my name and booked in. Out particular hospital, the maternity ward is down one level from the actual reception. In my infinite wisdom decided that walking there would be great. Yeah considering the amount of time it took me to get up the stairs you would think I would have learnt my lesson. Just no. Walk two steps.. contract for 2 mins.. now they are a little more painful.. lovely husband currently parking the car but I knew I had to get to maternity! I can’t describe it. I just knew I had to get to the unit! I needed pain relief, I needed it now!

(Thank you to the lovely midwife louise, who stopped before the start of her shift to walk with me down to the unit. She was kind, considerate and very patient!)

Finally at 7.30! We all arrived at maternity triage. Next stop assessment and delivery!

Laura xx

Whatcha got cooking?

Hey laura here!

So at 40 plus 6 weeks there is still no baby! We are indeed overcooked… and boy has it been a long long few weeks! my lovely uterus still irritable like a fish out of water! Confused by the little one being in the cephalic (down postition) but equally being back to back, the uterus can’t make up its god damn mind! Leading to several false start labours!

However, after the second false start I was a little naughty. You see after 2 days the contractions would ease.. and I would emerge into the daylight.. bewildered from lack of sleep. At the third one I ignored the pains. (This is not recommended by the midwifery team and please always seek advise as each case is different)

I still monitored each episode. Pain would start in my lower back accompanied by period type cramping in my lower abdomen. After a short while they would build and build until the pain was unbearable. Typically the pain then moves into the upper abdomen over the fondus area (top of the bump) and everything seems to build in a rhythmic pattern.

Normally over the space of a few hours. After 12 hours they were 2-3 mins apart lasting between 1-2 minutes. But after 3 days… they stopped. This has happened five times! FIVE! In total. Warm baths, movement and regular paracetamol did not help.

These my fiends were no Braxton hicks! These have been contractions!

Like in my last post there are differences! (Yes I know I haven’t had any other pregnancies to compare but I am a lady who is nosey and likes to be informed so I asked my midwife)

Braxton hicks can normally be eased with rest, hydration or movement. These little contractions are and have been buggers.. they have literally been regular to a T.

After each episode I’ve been exhausted. Mainly spending most of the time sleeping throughout each day, eating and drinking plenty. Building up for the next episode as they occur. Because when this happens you can’t concentrate on anything. You feel like you just want to pee all of the time. Your bowels are equally confused as the little persons head is buried deep in your pelvis everything becomes a mystery to your body.

Each time there have been different signs. The first two episodes were at around 35/36 weeks and then nothing for a f w weeks. At this point we went to the hospital. If anything because we were advised to and there is a 25% of pre term labour. (So not completely naughty after all). Only 1/2 cm dilated we went home.

Again advised not to bring on labour by using natural methods due to the position of baby. But continued walking each day. Mainly to prevent the inside of my house from feeling like a prison cell. There is only so much nesting one can do!!! And also to feel just a little bit like I hadn’t lost the ability to walk. I mean I can’t see my feet but that doesn’t mean they aren’t actually working..

The fourth episode, at 39 weeks and 4 days, I felt extremely tired. The episode only lasted about 18 hours. However I did lose part of the mucus plug. (Yes it’s true. It doesn’t always come away in one go.. and yes it doesn’t mean that you are labouring. In fact it’s probably just a nice way to know that the cervix has started to do something) HOORAH-ish! But still no further dilation of the cervix boooo! But still a little exciting!

At 40 weeks I underwent a membrane sweep. Now this is no picnic! The midwife does not make you sweep the floor. You are in a similar position to that of a smear test. So we all know how uncomfortable this can be. The idea is simple. The midwife uses a finger to stimulate the opening of the cervix thus creating a chemical response within the body. Designed to make your body comply and help kick start labour.

Please be patient, it can be uncomfortable, painful depending on the position of the cervix and you may experience a lot of darker discharge… so wear the correct panty liner for afterwards. The midwife will also be able to tell you how effaced, dilated and position of the cervix at this point too.

At this stage I’m 1cm, not effaced and the cervix is posterior… ffs! But I’m now encouraged to walk more! Yay! Come on baby let’s encourage you out!

That was Wednesday…. nothing happened . Nothin at all! However Thursday was a whole different kettle of fish! Large cramping has now also taken over the top of my legs. I feel like I’ve run a marathon. They are weak and like jelly! On top of all of the other areas. I time the contractions they come and go again every 2-3 mins. They are relentless. Unbearable! I can’t walk, talk the pain takes my breath away. My whole body is stopping me in my tracks. So of course I call triage! They agree labour has started!

After driving to the hospital for examination..the midwife confirms we haven’t progressed and it’s best to go home. Fully effaced cervix, it’s in the wrong position and still only 1cm… 1 fucking cm dilated!

Again we go home. Still contracting.. this lasted for three days. Three days of lying over the gym ball, pacing the floor, trying walks (I say trying… getting to your front door and having to stop every 2 mins is not fun.. and you look like a tit to everyone else and you make almost mooing noises 😒)

Sitting on the gym ball, lying on the floor with your pelvis in the air! The baby has also changed position. No longer can I feel it’s little bottom under my belly button hut I can not feel a little spine. The kicks are further away than they have been and we were ready to keep going.. until we got to Saturday and everything just stopped!

They just stop! Just like that! No warning. No nothing they literally just stop! Although Slightly relieved that I can now sleep but equally extremely disappointed. I can’t do anything to bring on contractions. The baby has also wriggled itself back to back… for the love of this child! Luckily yesterday I went for another sweep. We are now three cms dilated, the cervix is soft and fully effaced and nearly in the correct position. The second sweep really took it out of me. I have felt nauseous, extremely tired and very emotional. The only advise I can seem to find is a change of hormone that occurs after this process but not every women or sweep is the same.

No contractions as of yet but the tightenings are increasing.. hopefully this time it may not be a false start. Failing that induction begins next Monday!

I can’t wait to meet the little one!

Laura x

In the words of spongebob… I’m ready..

Hey laura here.

So since starting maternity leave I have embarked on a journey of pampering. I will be honest it had probably been the only time in my life that my eyebrows and finger nails have be cared for so well. I have loved it! Nice long soaks in the bath, surrounded by bubbles… candles. Body scrubs and salts!

My feet are no longer worn down by 12 plus shifts at work… no longer cramped into my lovely Clark’s shoes and cracked at the heels… but resemble the great smoothness of an egg shell! Toes are different mind! Do you know how hard it is to actually reach them? .. the nails are cut. That in itself is an ACHIEVEMENT!

My skin is beautiful. No longer am I dehydrated through lack of water intake at work.. it glistens! Shinning brightly in the bathroom light as I moisturise every part of me! That is correct! I have become a girly girl! And I am proud! Ok even if I can’t be bothered right now to put on make up at least I have the basics down. I just think working such long hours we actually forget about these things. You know the things that make us special at the end of the day..

it used to be a bag of chips and a beer!

I have loved every minute of pampering and treating myself over the last 5 weeks whilst I patiently wait for baby. If I was a rich lady I may have even splashed out on a few sessions at the nail salon or beauty place but where is the sense of achievement in that. Plus this way if my waters do go I won’t be embarrassed by leaving a wet patch on their chairs.. just saying! Besides everyone tells me I won’t have time to do any of this or apparently anything when the baby actually comes so for now I’m making the most of it! So there!

Hereby I enclose the list of pampering success

• Legs, underarms and bikini line trim (I’m not doing the whole thing.. I can’t risk cutting down there when I can’t see it all.. no looking in a mirror doesn’t help)
• Nails clean, trim, filed
• Freshly bathed and smelling beautiful!
• Skin exfoliated thank you to lush!
• Hair is washed and blow dried
• Skin is now moisturised thank you to Vaseline intensive
• Feet are smooth..
• one relaxed mama bear to be!

Ok… to some people this might seem like the biggest waste of time and no I do not just do this all freaking day. An hour tops. Otherwise my nesting and sleeping won’t get done at all! That would be super sad!

In my head I would also like to think that I will be a glamour model when giving birth; when in actual fact I know this not to be true but hey.. I can dream big can’t I?

I just don’t want to be unprepared. This baby is coming at some point in the next 2 and a half weeks wether I like it or not. It won’t care, the midwife and medical staff won’t care what I look like. But I do! It’s just a small confidence issue that many women have shared with me. And I totally get it.

One woman even described how she went to get a spray tan 10 mins after her waters broke just to feel lovely! Add a glow and feel just that little bit empowered!

Ok not a great look 2 hours in and your sweating. She said in hindsight that was probably not the “best thing to do…”

oh how I laughed.. mainly when she described the colour of the sheets after delivering and the midwife thought she had pooped every where! Epic! (Thanks for letting me share that!)

Or the other lady who wanted to shave her legs.. couldn’t reach as carrying twins.. hubby didn’t want to help so she persisted in doing it herself only to fall over and cut the back of her leg quite deep and needing stitches!

So glad it’s not just me who does stupid stuff! But I do get it! I understand that we have this inner desire to want to feel empowered as women and that urge to want to express sexuality at whatever stage of life we are at. Whether that be pampering or sticking on a bit of lippy!

Since beer is frowned upon during pregnancy booooo! I needed another outlet. I wanted to take care of myself in an attempt to help me relax. I’m sure this has some benefit to bump too. I feel ready to take on the next big challenge. Taking a hot bath has soothed my aches on more Than one occasion. Some may even argue that they don’t have time to do this. But why?

Why don’t we make time for ourself in our every day busy life. To just switch off and have 5, 10 or even 30 mins to just unwind from the stresses of life. (Surely this is normally what the beer or wine is for right?)

This whole experience has taught me one major factor… That actually it’s ok to just sit some where in peace and do nothing. I feel like I have totally changed as a person. Not personality wise just.. well it’s hard to explain…I don’t have to be on the go all the time, I’m calm. Which also must be a godsend for my hubby too.

So in the words of spongebob squarepants.. I’m ready.. I’m ready (google is essential at this stage.. it’s annoying but you get the gist). I’m ready to do my thing , I feel relaxed, glam and positive to bring the baby into the world. Even if the baby is quite happy in there!

Laura x

Things to make life a little bit more … bearable!

Hey laura here!

So today I have reached the 38 weeks pregnant milestone! No there is not a sign of any appearance from baby and yes my uterus is still irritable!

But I wanted to share with you the better parts of pregnancy. The items and people who have helped shaped the whole thing. Because let’s face it, this has not been a pleasant experience by any stretch of the imagination but at least there have been some pros to al of this.

So here goes…

Good books

I was advised very early on in my pregnancy not to become inundated by excess amounts of parenting books, websites, forums .. mums speaking from experience, not to mention the constant guidance from local authorities and leaflets. I’m sorry but in every single one piece of “information” and it doesn’t tell you when or how to wash a baby. I know this may seem like a basic thing to everyone but I’m sat here like how the hell do I even do that!?

What do I do if my baby doesn’t want to breastfeed like the leaflet tells me I have to do?

How do we get into a routine like every other parent on the planet? How is this possible when I don’t have my own routine?

So after reading the online reviews (thank you amazon users) I bought Holly Willoughbys Truly happy baby. Boy I’m glad I did. Because, not only does it offer practical advice but also an element of voice of reason. It basically tells you what you already know. Each child and baby is different! Well who’d thought that eh?

I didn’t buy any other books! I certainly didn’t need to. It has given me reassurance that we will make it work some how and I can’t express my sincere gratitude for making a practical guide that is easy to follow.

Another of my favourite books is.. Hurrah for gin! By the lovely Katie Kirby. If you haven’t read it.. I throughly recommend it! This was a Christmas present. It has probably saved my life! Whilst Holly’s book offers good guidance, Katie’s book offers so much more. It doesn’t tell you what you should or shouldn’t be doing. It tells you the ups and downs of parenting. It guides you through the next stages of having a child without a set routine of worry!

This book had saved my life because it’s written by a parent for parents who quite frankly like me do not have a bloody clue what they are doing! That children don’t have a designated manual to follow, they are their own tiny individual human selves and for Katie to make me see that.. then she has saved my life. Because up until I read her book I worried that I was going to get it so wrong. You know because people tell you that.. they actually do. They actually think that you won’t cope and need help… yes this was said to me!

Firstly let me pop out the baby… maybe then you can judge me

And secondly I’m gunna try my hardest!

alcohol free drinks. This may seem like the most ridiculous thing ever but have you ever been out in a bar, sober around Christmas time.. heavily pregnant? Yeah people still don’t get that last part. And becomes a complete mystery when they ask you if you would like a drink.

“Yeah sure I will have a coke…”

“Oh yeah your pregnant and boring” that’s when they bugger off to the bar laughing!

Ha ha ha! Yeah super funny! Actually the current guidelines recommend that all pregnant ladies are to avoid alcohol of any level at any stage of pregnancy! Yep! All of it! Gone are the days when women were advised to drink Guinness “to bring up their iron levels.” Now it’s nothing!

(It’s at this point I would like you to google iron contain in Guinness… because I guess you would need quite a few pints a day to raise your iron levels… just saying).

So as well as trying to follow the guidance and be on my best behaviour I’m trying to give my child the best start in life. So that makes me boring .. so be it! However, some bright spark came up with a different type of alcohol free drinks.. that surprise surprise look like alcoholic drinks! Oh dear lord thank you!

First example.. the elderflower and green tea sparkling white that is available in Morrisons. Comes in a wine looking green bottle! Tastes delicious.. looks the part but it’s … drum roll…….

Alcohol free! Hallelujah!and about £2.50 in price! Epic!

If that wasn’t enough some equally bright spark at Heineken has produced a ZERO per cent beer! That is now being sold across bars and restaurants. So guess what you can look like your getting absolutely smashed but you aren’t doing anything at all! It even has a nice big zero written on the front so people can actually see you aren’t trying to harm your child. When they do that whole double take bump.. beer..bump.. zero.. ohhhhhhh thing! Excellent!

Equally it’s good for your bank balance as most places charge between £1.25-£1.50 for one. Tastes just as good as the real thing and is also perfect for the teetotaller or designated drivers! Amazing!

Steam mop…if you don’t have one.. invest! That’s all I can say on the matter really!

Gym ball. So over the last few weeks, I have literally been sat on my gym ball. Some would say it’s to coax the baby out.. and this is partly true. However it is the most comfortable item in my house. Overriding the couch and my bed by a long shot. I don’t know what magic powers it seems to have but it has been a god send!

Yes it takes up a lot of space. It when you can’t get comfortable at four am, then you sit on that ball! It takes so much pressure from your lower back and bump. Especially like me that the uterus has its own mind. I can’t praise it enough!

Do your research first! I can tell you now.. there is not a little bit of difference between a birthing ball and a gym ball.

Nothing! Absolutely NOTHING! They are made from the same material! They do the same job! The only difference is the price.

Birthing ball £30!

Normal gym ball £6.99…you can thank me later! Do not give in to temptation and buy it because it says “birthing” come on I know you are smarter than that!

Now that’s the “items” covered I can move onto people!

So I’m not going to list individuals to say thank you to but more give homage to the category they fit into. So here goes ..

Home delivery

Yes this may seem increasingly and incredibly lazy. But I have saved a fortune. I’m not distracted by things I could purchase. I have a set list. I press the list. And 3 hours later it’s in my fridge! Who doesn’t like that idea! On a practical note it actually saves me from going to the supermarket where I can not either get into a parent and toddler bay or I can not get out of the parking space because some idiot parks up next me. So it saves a lot of time! Thank heavens!

Bio oil… yeah I’m not sure how much this actually helps but subconsciously it has worked in my brain. The reality is I’m probably very lucky that my stomach has very stretch marks… and more will come out after the baby is here.. but if bio oil wants to take the credit then be my guest. Plus it’s really nice to just rub into your skin twice a day 🙂

Mummy friends. I know earlier (i this exact same blog post) I wrote “mums that speak from experience” this was not an attempt to display any sort of dislike for this group of friends. In fact I am very grateful for every bit of advice I have had from them so far. Because my friends with children are the ones who have been invaluable. I have watched for years as my mummy friends have gone on and had children, raised them.. handed them over to me as the single outcast so they can go and Drink a hot cup of coffee. I will be honest I never really understood it. But actually you can’t really until another life form takes hold of you and makes you into a weirdo…

But my god when you think at 2am that your losing your mind with pregnancy worries I have messaged them and they they have done their best to support me! And kept me sane! I don’t know where I would be without them!

My friends without children!

Are fucking awesome! If it wasn’t for them and their current adventures I don’t know what I would do! The best thing they have done in the last few weeks and months is talk to me about anything else other than pregnancy. About how their partner is a complete dick. How dating sucks! Do you know how much right now I miss just talking about normal stuff. Because as soon as you find out you are pregnant people don’t see past this at all! You are just a baby making machine and to hell with the individual actually making it.

Thank you to this group of wonderful people! I’m just sorry I’m not feeling too great to meet you all for coffee but just the invite alone means the world to me! Or just texting me to tell how Work is! Yes! I have used my brain for more than thinking about my next load of washing!

Equally this group of people currently has me distracted by wedding planning, Pinterest, love stories and a life of excitement!

People with a god damn sense of humour!

If you don’t have one just leave! I mean if people ask you do you know what your having…

and don’t find your response of “a baby” funny. They need to leave!

But when people just get that you may have sat on that chair at work, similar to the one the other 999 people have… and they laugh at the response of I hope it’s not plastic with wheels! Then they are should be kept close to you at all times! Because my god… they too are funny people!

Family… what can I say.. you have one family don’t lose them.

Hubby. Is amazing! Although he takes the piss out of me all the time. He is excellent! Incredibly excited and partly a bit nervous too! Thanks hubby!

Off to bounce around the living room on my ball!

Laura

Xxx

Mother Nature is a bitch sometimes…

Hey! Laura here!

Do last week we were directed to the local triage at maternity. For seemingly what was the start of labour. After a routine examination we were found to only be 0.5cm dilated and no movement. On our midwives advise we came home. Disappointed not to have the wee bundle of joy in our arms.

It wasn’t labour. In fact it was an irritable uterus. Wow! Oh how Mother Nature is a bitch. Because for all intense and purpose that was horrid! 5 whole days of regular, timed to the second tightening around the top of bump. Pressure sensation like the start of a period. Even my midwife was convinced it was labour.

No! No it wasn’t. After those five days my tummy muscles are in bits. You see my body decided to think it was actively trying to push out a baby. When in actual fact it really wasn’t.

I hope Mother Nature is laughing… because I am seriously not!

Since of course, I have been through the motions. I’m exhausted. My muscles are now recovering from what can be the biggest deception ever. The top of bump is terribly uncomfortable and lying on my side is currently not an option. The pain is bearable but feeling like someone is physically squishing my muscle is not a great feeling! Well done body. Yet I still have the odd tightening with a sensation to my lower pelvis. Completely irregular in sensation. Often only coming in the night and on the odd occasions during the day. Again same feeling as last week! Ffs!

If one more person tells me this stage of pregnancy is the most relaxing.. they will be sworn at!

So what is an irritable uterus?

Well apart from having the sensation of being in labour, these are also signs to look out for..

Unlike Braxton hicks, they are painful. They don’t often go away with rest or hydration and mimic the signs of early labour. They Last anywhere between 30-70 seconds. Get stronger as time goes on. Generally it’s not harmful to you or baby, but before 37 weeks (full term) please speak to your midwife. As approximately 18 per cent of woman can experience pre term labour as a result of an irritable uterus. Even if you are full term it’s always best to get checked out with the same symptoms (midwife recommended advise) because the two are so bloody similar!

So what did I do differently to make this ease…

Not a lot. I gave my body pain relief (yes paracetamol.. I’m a nurse. It’s my first choice of drug. Yes even if your finger has fallen off. Paracetamol first please)

I listened to my body. When I felt tired. I have slept. I have drank and drank and drank water like there’s going to be a drought. I have stopped drinking caffeinated drinks. Yes this includes my one cup of decaf tea a day. Yes it’s boring but hey! I’m free of pain currently. I eat when I’m hungry and i currently eating a lot of fruit.

I’m walking.. everywhere. That’s right today me and bump did just under 5 miles in 2 hours. I am very tired. But it’s all good and bump appears to like it too.

I have cleaned.. continuously. As per my previous post have never had the desire to clean every thing but if that’s all I subconsciously want to do then boy am I following the urge.

Most importantly. I am resting! Some incredible yet the best advice anyone can give is to sit and do nothing. Wether it be from my new found love of sudoku, reading magazines, books or playing on the husbands PS4 whilst he is at work! Yes this the most amazing thing ever!

I’m sorry but I don’t feel guilty. Not one little bit. I need to focus on the actual event at hand. I am tired a lot of the time, but I need to use this time to make my body work for me when I need it to! Well quite frankly if that involves playing the PS4 then so be it!

Equally… Mother Nature decided to help out a little by introducing piles. Do you know how uncomfortable those little beggars are! Jesus! It feels like a grapefruit has been wedged between my butt cheeks. So unfortunately this also adds to the aches and pains and I just want to chill out!

On a related… pile cream is a medication. You must ask the pharmacist before applying any old crap up there. If your lucky like me, they will recommend said cream but not give it until I have seen the doctor. This has happened twice now today. So let’s just say I took both of their advise and bought the same thing from a well known beauty store instead. I did not want to waste a doctors appointment for the common pile. Thank you very much! For Christ sake I’m not dying!

Sorry peeps this is yet another reason You will just have to function without me for a short while.

Mother Nature! Is a bitch!

Equally sorry to my friends and family who are waiting by the telephone. Yup when I know something you will know. But I can’t will the baby out any faster. I wish I could but since it’s having a whale of a time in its only luxurious spa facility I’m not going to do anything at all. Plus we aren’t actually due for another 3 weeks. So hold onto your hats it’s gunna be a long journey ahead!

Love laura xx

Nesting is like nothing else known to man!

Hey! Laura here!

So when you first become pregnant people will briefly mention this hing called “nesting.” Oh how many people have laughed and joked around.

“If your tired now wait until you begin nesting”

“That’s the 3rd time today you’ve cleaned that desk, you must be nesting”

Now let me be honest with you, cleaning has never really been my specialty. Working shifts is exhausting and the last thing I want to do is one wake up the sleeping other half (also on shifts, normally opposite to me) or two go any form of cleaning. So my house is tidy, but it’s also lived in. As long as the kitchen is clean and the living room is ok looking for when people pop by then that’s fine by me.

That was until I started nesting. Not cleaning… oh no no no no! Nesting is a sport all of its own accord!

So it all began 2 weeks ago… picture this.

Heavily pregnant at 34 weeks in my pjs and slippers, trying to remove the tiniest of stain from the floor. Like on my hands and knees actually scrubbing a stain the size of a 1p (which apparently required an entire bucket of water). When I notice the underside of the dinning table. This is not an element of my day I was delighted with. But it’s there now, it’s engraved onto my brain. There was some stains underneath.

Question? How? How the hell did tomato sauce get underneath the bloody table?

This is a mystery that shall never ever be solved but this is how it began. Nesting! Because then I couldn’t un-spot these things! After a good 20 minutes thinking I’ve actually lost the plot, I began to clean, scrub and wipe away dirt from every aspect of that kitchen. That apparently had never ever been an issue before.

If I wasn’t on the floor I wouldn’t have noticed the marks on the table, that wouldn’t have led me to find marks on everything. Don’t even get me started on the skirting boards! Why in God’s name do I find myself cleaning these three times a week now! Because that’s it I’ve seen it I can’t undo it.

You can’t just wipe down a side of the kitchen and call it quits. Hell no! You have to take everything apart! You start at the top of the kitchen and work your way down. I’m not joking! The inside of my kitchen cupboards are beyond amazing! The groove under the kitchen counter, scrubbed with a toothbrush! Inside the washing machine door and pull out draw practically dismantled and scrubbed!

And it doesn’t stop there!

Oh no! It really doesn’t!

I even bought a steam mop and it’s probably the best thing I own!

Who knew, that at the ripe old age of 29, my steam mop would become my prize possessions? It’s honestly great! The floors look amazing and it even does carpets! Yes carpets! It is awesome! My house looks like someone else lives here. Hubby must think he’s walked into the wrong house most of the time.

But This can’t be normal right? I mean who in their right mind would literally empty their wardrobe and place it all back together. Just to straighten out the clothes, nesting in mind they are now sized and in colour order is beyond the point really. Even today, I’m in agony, patiently waiting for my waters to go and all I want to do is clean. Although I have compromised heavily with my body; 20 minutes of cleaning followed by a nap slash lie down. This one felt ridiculous when I realised I was actually talking to my body out loud!

However today is the first time since moving into our house a year ago that I have noticed that dust catches on the door pattern. I can’t un see that! It’s on every door! Why have I never seen this before? Oh dear lord. So my supposed nap time is being taken over by thoughts of what to clean the doors with.

Part of me hopes that I am able to continue with this into motherhood, but the other half of me is like for goodness sake just sit the hell down already!

If like me you are nesting! Then boy do I feel you.. if your in the early stages of pregnancy I promise you will know what this is later on. It just comes out of no where and no one can prepare you for the sensation to want to clean. To want to put the washing on at 4am or clean the skirting boards. For some reason it just happens, according to the mother in law just before labour 😳 but like all things this may even be an old wives tale. I may just be bored lol!

Take care

Laura xx

I just don’t know what to do with myself….

There’s a song in there somewhere..

Hi! Laura here!

So I don’t know what to do with myself. I’m literally walking around the house, lost and bewildered. Like a small rabbit in headlights.

Last night I managed almost 4 hours sleep intermittently. Only to wake up feeling worse than I did before bed time!

The pain has never left and has never gotten any better. Hence the need to walk around the house like a little lost soul! Paracetamol is ok, but if I’m honest I may as well have sucked on a haribo for the good they are doing. I’m taking them as advised and yet I would probably rate the pain as a good old 6/10.. with the odd occasional 9 for good measure!

My poor vagina equally feels like it’s on tender hooks.. is it happening… something’s happening.. no nothing.. at this stage it’s just sad and feeling a little like a spare part. Don’t worry young lady you are doing a great job! Just hang in there!!

Yes I’m talking to my vagina! If anything just to give myself some reassurance that I’m doing great..

on the plus side the baby is wiggling away! Kicking like crazy.. and is approximately a few inches away from freedom.. once the cervix has opened a little further!

On that note, I believe a warm bath and a film may help ease the tension before once again getting myself dressed to go to attempt to sleep.

Fuck it! May even blow dry my hair !

Limbo! It’s not a great place to be in!

Laura xx